A few days ago I went to help a friend in need. She’s had a terrible year and with the recent rain was desperately trying to keep the water streaming down her driveway out of the house.

The drive there was challenging, and I didn’t know if the roads would be open. I so desperately wanted to be there to support my dear friend. Unfortunately the usual way in was blocked, so I followed my trusty google maps and an alternate route. I have a small ford with tiny tyres and limited clearance. I know my car and it doesn’t do well on gravel, over bumps or with potholes. Anyway, I continued on; through water streaming down and across the road, past gushing overflowing ditches. I felt vulnerable and intimidated. I came to a sharp turn into an unsealed road; a steep incline with large bumps covering the first 4-5 metres lay ahead. I was able to continue forward, turn around and pulled over, needing a moment to assess the situation. Another car came, turned and manoeuvred the road. Hmmm, I still wasn’t sure and definitely not feeling comfortable or confident. I was worried that my car wouldn’t make it over the bumps; that I would get stuck, or slide down the road and lose control. I simply couldn’t move forward. Was I being over cautious, maybe? I was so close to where I felt I needed to be. Was life in the way or was it me?  I was facing uncertainty and fear.


I met new parts of myself in that moment; raw, uncomfortable, unsure, vulnerable. Was I being selfish or sensible? I turned around and drove home. I did find another way up the mountain that night to be with my friend (thanks to my ever supportive husband Andrew).

What I do know is that I did the best I could in that moment. That sometimes we fall short of our own expectations. I’m taking it easy for the next little while. I’ve bought some beautiful bath products and have a whole weekend of no plans (aside from writing this). I’m going to be gentle and kind to myself and allow those parts of me that feel raw, sensitive and tender to be just as they are.